A Sunday Roast

and a betrayal.

It’s hard when you rely on people.

It’s tricky to navigate especially with hyper independence at play.

My voice actually chokes when I ask for help sometimes. Always working on it.

But life and running a business requires help and lots of it, specific skill sets, imperfect, sometimes messy humans plugging in.

Support.

Deadlines.

Sometimes my brain thinks it will explode with things not working. Too many pairs of laces to tie, not enough hands.

The meter reading is due again, the childcare code has expired, school lunches need choosing every-week - can’t I just choose them once and never again?

We’re waiting, waiting, waiting on someone else so we can do something really important.

Something we’ve waited months for.

We are one family nervous system and five separate heart beats including the dog.

Photo by Daphné Richard on Unsplash

Sometimes I wish we didn’t have her, other times I feel guilty for that thought and see her and he silly, beautiful doggy ways. She brings me so much delight.

And as we circle in and the date gets closer, it feels off. It feels like we’re going to be let down. It feels like this for weeks before it happens.

Then it’s Sunday and I’m making a roast and it’s the best roast I’ve ever made. It’s a roast of gratitude and abundance and it will be beautiful and everything will be hot at the same time.

Then we’re proved wrong but 24hours later we’re proved right.

And the whole thing is exhausting because both things are true.

And my roast is hot but my husband’s is stone cold.

I sit at the table and watch it go cold. Tuning into the push/ pull of someone else’s chaos. Then I put it in the oven confused about whether I should finish mine.

It’s been a mess but now it’s fine.

And I don’t enjoy the food and I’m not sure why. It’s still the best roast I ever made though.

I’ve lived in a world where everything works and everything doesn’t.

The energetics change all the time.

It’s not just plugged into my energy.

I’m not running solo here…

In the end, it’s all fine and we unplug from the chaotic energy once and for all.

We’ve been here before, and so have I - it’s the same.

The clock moves round and against all odds the appointment happens.

When it’s calm I realise I always had the option not to trust.

I make a new affirmation; I do not have to trust what’s chaotic.

Thank you for being here and witnessing this and welcome to everyone who is new here at Creatively Conscious by Claire Venus. You are welcome to check out the archive of posts, classes and community invitations.

Claire

P.S - My brand new book is fifty percent written and will be released on a limited print run on 1st December 2025.

If you’d like to be on the waitlist for when I open pre-orders, you can check it out here.

P.P.S - Tanya Lynch and I are holding space for your BIG Dreams and your quiet ambition when it comes to your writing and your Substack. You can join us on 9th May for a day long retreat. You must book by 2nd May. Here are the details - there’s a seat for you at the table. ✨

sign up to join us, it’s free. One chapter a month every month this year.