The Visible Rebellion of Mothers

Blink and you'd miss it.

Hi folks,

I wanted to write about a subtle rebellion I’ve seen in myself and other mothers. Maybe it’s recent, maybe it’s my age, maybe it’s always been there.

An opt out, an eye roll, a standing firm in where we stand.

What IF rebellion looked like rest?

It started with turning away, involved a little freezing gradually crescendoing to a firm no.

It swirled up in the furious recognition of a mother as a WHOLE outside of mothering and ended in a turning away from all of ‘the shoulds’.

It’s something you might have missed in the blur of what came before.

Break time but guilt free.

I’ve just finished a twenty minute Tuesday afternoon session of Celebs Go Dating - my guilty pleasure. I love all the ‘relationship inspired trash TV’.¹ I don’t have to think; just sit back and be entertained. I made myself a coffee, poured cream into it and sliced a small piece of carrot cake to accompany my ‘break’. The builders aren’t here today ²but I did this when they were here too even when they knocked and asked for a cuppa.

I didn’t rush up or panic when “caught” blatantly watching day time telly when everyone else was at school/ work. This in itself has been a practise. I think it’s the epitome of ‘having it all’ honestly.

On Monday (my first work day of the week), I booked a morning massage and enjoyed tea and chats with my friend. Later on the building noise bothered me so much I opted out of my afternoon work session and went for a jacuzzi.

At the park, I often sit with my phone and reply to work messages while my daughter plays - I’m done being judged for it. 3pm is often the time my lovely American colleagues are tuning in and I love to connect in with them. I’m proud I’ve created work that means I can pick my daughter up from school.

I chose motherhood and I adore it but I also choose myself. I choose to do the work I want to do in the world and take care of my business too.

Turn away

As I was thinking about buying the cake which was on offer at my local deli yesterday (just £2) there was a voice that told me not to. I’m struggling with a bigger body than I’m used to thanks to fluctuating perimenopause hormones. (I went live on IG with Heather from Pause Network to talk about it here).

Obviously cake doesn’t help matters however, I rebelled from the constant noise to be smaller and bought the cake anyway.

At the weekend, I was inspired by pulling up next to a lady in our local shopping centre car park. She was doing the thing I often do…having five minutes with a croissant and coffee in the safe sun drenched, lovely warm container of the car.

I wish her face told me she was enjoying it guilt free but it was unclear.

I LOVED it for her. I love it for us all.

I made a note to myself to embody peace in parking lots more often.

As mothers, we work so hard, excruciatingly long hours, we have very little support, overpriced and under funded childcare. We jeopardize wellbeing for being present, or being seen to be, creating a home that holds it all and works. We create meals than nourish diverse tastes and announce ‘the kitchen’s closed for the night’ at the request of another snack. (just me)?

We get to choose how to model rest and ‘downtime’ to our kids, to take time out when our bodies call us to it, to stop reeling off the lists of how productive we’ve been. To ask ‘how are you really?’ to a mum with a newborn.

Here’s to never being internalised patriarchy in response to a woman sharing their struggles.

Globally, women and girls perform more than 75% of unpaid care and domestic work. In many countries, women do around three times as much unpaid care and domestic work as men. In the UK, women are doing on average 60% more unpaid work than men (cooking, childcare, household tasks, admin). Much of this work is inside of mental load for mothers.”

Source - Action Aid

But things are changing… here’s why…

• We speak about it. We’ve realised we’re allowed to moan, to employ and outsource, to say no to the extra stuff. To tell people we’re at capacity without over apologising.

• We’re running businesses on our terms, working in school run hours or flexibly so we are there to do the work that is after school reading, dinner and clear up, the bedtime routine.

• We’re raising sons to understand contribution and challenging partners to support the smooth running of the home. My husband is very supportive despite needing lots of rest. He quite literally does the jobs I hate.³

• We’re done with the sacrificial mother archetype - we’re making space for deep rest, early night, wellbeing practises, solo trips, self investments. We care deeply about our health and visibility in our own future.

• We’re visioning our own future and being the leading lady inside of it - feeling into what we want it to look like longer term.

My son told me that this week, the teacher asked his class full of thirty 11 and 12 year olds what feminism was - the two girls she asked first didn’t know so he put his hand up and answered.

Do you feel like you’re leaning into rebellion inside of your working week? What would it look like?

I’d love to chat more about it. I’ll meet you in the comments.

Claire

✨

P.S - COMPETITION TIME - I went live with Caro Giles to talk about her newest memoir Unschooled… the story of a family that doesn’t fit in. I have a copy to give away to anyone who shares this piece (on Substack Notes or Instagram - tag me please and I’ll pick at random). (UK only this time sorry) You can catch the live here. Closes a week today!

1. Gult free MAFS, Love is Blind, Celebs go Dating…

2. We are building an office in the garden. A little tranquil writing space.

3. My husband Dave has battled with chronic fatigue since before our daughter was born. I don’t need Mr Muscle, I employ cleaners and my husband takes the bins out lol