I started to count the number of times in my 42 years of life where I’ve experienced rejection. Shards in the sparkles.
I am currently writing a memoir on this topic. I’ve also made it a creative project to explore how it impacts my writing.
I’ve invited others to share their stories on rejection.
Here’s the invite and what I know so far…
Some of the spaces we feel rejection are (semi) universal; relationships, friendships, family, funding applications, awards…
Others are personal to me and built around the way I’ve experienced the world in my youth or earlier in my career. A lot of them were caused by other women; days when the daisy chain wilted and broke in half.
For International Women’s Day, I wanted to write on a story of career hope born out of rejection and silence.
I have changed the detail, timeline and combined the characters who were all women from my past who worked “above me” and held the door open for me.
I was alone with these women in an office with the door closed. Desperate to ‘prove myself’ whatever that meant. Now I know I had nothing to prove and part of experiencing this held my authentic voice in a cage… it’s time to fly but that was true then too I just didn’t know it…
✨
“Claire - can you be less enthusiastic? You’re too positive, life isn’t like that! It must be nice having people look at you in the street? What’s it like to be seen? Noticed? Take a shorter lunch, strike that don’t eat at all; we haven’t got time. Can you sleep there? Can you carry me home, I’m too drunk. Can you take those out, can you tidy that, reach over me and answer the phone and say I’m not here, can you get me a coffee, but be quick? Can you leave the office for an hour. Can you fold those, can you cover for me? Can you take a taxi with them? Don’t chat so much! You shouldn’t wear that for work. Can you sit with me while I sob about all the hard things in my life? Can you council me about my about my divorce? Can you work every Saturday? Come back to the office now please. Can you work evenings please? While you were away, I deleted all of your files on the server; they didn’t seem important. I never said that. That’s not ratified. You’ve got it wrong. I don’t get paid enough but it’s £20k more than you. You’ve spent too much of that budget, you’re confused, you’re emotional. Work harder, do more for less money, come in earlier…Can you be smaller, less enthusiastic, less pretty, more grateful for this opportunity, more grateful for me, do you know who I am? You don’t understand. You’ll never have to worry - everyone you meet likes you - what’s that like? Sometimes I feel like I want to shoot everyone of them dead.
What I’ve seen? Who I’ve worked for? These were big and important people, more important than anything we do. You wouldn’t understand. This is looking like a witch hunt. I’m not speaking to you. You can’t have a relationship with a colleague, you can’t drink with the cast of the show. Can you explain again? You’re not making any sense! I’ll be sending you an email you about this.
Do I have to shout at you so will you finally see that I’m struggling because I’m twice your age and society only makes space for those younger than me. I should have done it all by now but I’ve run out of time and I’m frightened and bitter and I can’t afford therapy or a house to feel safe in. I hope this doesn’t happen to you. This won’t happen to you, you’re prettier than me. You’ll meet your husband and he’ll pay for it all.”
✨
As I emerged out of difficult environments in my early career and started to come back to myself and my own potential and sparkle, I was invited (by a kind and generous woman I was working with) to an event with Yoko Ono.
Yoko has innate wisdom and kindness. She was slight and unassuming but incredibly magnetic.
Here are some things she’s said in the past that I still believe to be true;
“You can be very wild and still be very wise...”
“There's a long life ahead of you and it's going to be beautiful, as long as you keep loving and hugging each other...”
“You change the world by being yourself”.
At the event, Yoko smashed a huge clay urn live on stage and gave us all a piece. It was art. It was also community. It was madness and brilliance and as I looked at the smashed pot and my individual piece of it I was held in space and and time.
I realised so much… Yoko saw us all as equal… there was no hierarchy.
We all have the option to model generosity and space holding to women older or younger. I (internally) rolled my eyes a lot at the women who spoke to me this way and it effected my sense of who I wanted to be later in life.
To lead in the way we wanted to be led earlier in our careers is something open to us all.
We all have the opportunity to hold the door open, be generous, share opportunities, be kind. Celebrate all the stages of being a woman.
We all have the option to invite other women to share their unique voice and move away from being threatened by this as an act of self expression and art.
If I could go back in time, I would look my twenty something year old self in the eyes and say;
“You don’t have to let her speak to you that way, you’re worth more and you can tell her it’s both unkind and outrageous. Yes you might loose your job but the universe has other plans for you, you don’t need it as much as you think you do. If you stay you’ll embed a set of beliefs that you can be spoken to this way and it will take you nearly fifteen years to break the cycle. There’s another way - come - I’ll show you.”
Happy International Woman’s Day to you all, thank you for reading, writing here and supporting our work as women with something to say.
A HUGE thank you to
,, , , , , , for co-hosting this WONDERFUL celebration with me.Sending love and courage to inspire your own reflections and actions today and as we navigate what is possible for women who stand in their power today.
Remember; don’t let anyone dim your light, there’s another way.
You could start a Susbtack. 😆
Claire
✨
EXCITING book announcement
Entwined, an anthology is COMING SOON. I’m delighted to have a piece in this beautiful anthology with twenty other women about creativity and motherhood by my friend and colleague
.The purpose of this anthology is to inspire mothers to pursue creativity, to reframe what 'counts' as art, and to hold space for rest and ideation within the creative process. This isn't just a book about making art. It's about the whole of motherhood and how that impacts our creative process.
You can learn more about what inspired this collaborative project here:
Pre-orders will be open soon.
This really resonated and inspired me to write about my own career experiences in my 20s. I had a real Devil Wears Prada gig in my first ever job. Maybe something for an upcoming post! Really excited about that anthology!
Oh how I do hope we can educate and prepare our children, so they can be spared and prepared from our own experiences. Thank you for hosting this positive Daisy Chain! Your evening with Yoko Ono sounded magical ✨