Five Short Stories On Taking Up Space...
Is today THE day you meet your QUEEN? I started this post 3 months ago... but actually, it started it 3 generations ago...
“The path your soul chose to walk is one that few have the courage to walk. And you came here for this. You’re being led through this.
Your soul is ancient, and with every step you’ve taken in every body you’ve been planted in, you’ve gathered a kaleidoscope of gifts that are ready to be shown and shared.”
While we were on holiday back in April, I noticed how difficult it had become for me to take up space.
I’m confident (for an introvert). I can assert my needs and advocate for my children. I’m not intimidated by difficult conversations. I’ve had many of them through my life, work, relationships and with my son’s school.
My income supports our family, a decision we made 9 years ago when my husband gave up a 100k a year job to be home and bring up our family instead of working abroad and fighting pirates.
It takes a quiet confidence to stay steady as an entrepreneur in the creative industries and I have many cheerleaders and supporters behind the scenes. I wrote a Note last night about how I feel about all that. 1
1. On stories of sharing your truth…
In my lived memory, my maternal grandma didn’t have a voice like I do.
She was a tall and gentle woman who was white haired as long as I knew her. I never saw her stand at her full height. She was creative and loved to make things with wool and thread. Her and my grandad retired early and lived out their days by the sea on the NW coast of England. Busy with church and WI and walking groups - retirement was fulfilling, joyous and full of connection.
My grandad had stories from life - interesting stories - he never told the same one twice. His storytelling filled a room for hours while his wife of 50+ years quietly pottered around quietly baking, making tea or knitting.
Often over my adult years, my grandad would tell me over the phone “Your grandma is bad with her nerves” but she never spoke directly about it or came to the phone. Gramps and I spoke a lot on the phone as we lived a four hour drive away and I walked home through the city a lot. 2
My Grandma was present with her knitting, crafts and tv shows. She loved animals and Christmas and family photos. They once came to visit me in one of my work venues - a huge music centre. Deep in her zone of discomfort in a place I adored, I realised how hard it was for her to take up space or feel safe outside of home comforts.
On her last few days on the earth she told me cheerily; “I’m going Claire, it’s my time.”
It might sound strange to say but this moment in all its beauty and grief has brought me much comfort in the years that have followed especially as my kids grow up without three of their Grandparents. I’m acutely aware of how precious family relationships are and there are lot’s we don’t have but still some beautiful ones we do.
2. On feeling safe, taking up space and being born to care
On a holiday earlier this year, there was a section of the buffet bar where chefs all dressed in their whites were cooking. Like a performance, different grilled treats each night and bespoke omelettes in the morning.
I didn’t ask for anything - main reason was, there was lots of other food to choose from. There was enough. Every night we sat down and my husband would have something freshly cooked on his plate from the chef.
One day by the (baby) pool, I was playing with my two year old and a gang of much older boys decided to play volleyball in the pool continually splashing us.
I told them ‘come on lads, this is the baby pool, watch what you’re doing please’ - they carried on.
A jubilant holiday dad came over and asked is everything ok.
I said well it’s ok, they are just having fun but this is the baby pool.
He asked them to chill it out - they didn’t.
We moved.
Later on after many passive aggressive and bullying related incidents from the same lad and his cronies, I would use my voice to tell off the oldest of the boys as his tall frame towered above my kids in the play park meant for under sixes.
It doesn’t really matter what happened and why I decided to take up space and ask him to take up less but what followed was more tangible.
I didn’t feel safe.
When I worked it out, I’d stood tall, shown anger, distaste at his actions towards my tiny kids and I didn’t feel safe.
Again we left and went down to the bar for drinks. 3
3. On making a complaint and a reply of deflection
I’ve come to realise making a complaint can be the most difficult space in having your voice heard.
Yet… it’s incredibly important if you’re working on moving out of maidenhood, through the invitation to motherhood and into your queen energy.4
I haven’t really ever made complaints that I can think of. Over the last 6 months I’ve had to make a couple - I find it exhausting ~ I guess most folks do?
We’re told to ‘own our mistakes’ - it’s zeitgeist - I see it a lot - is owning also embodying and deep within our emotional embodied empathy for others? What if we haven’t done enough of the internal work to ‘own’ our mistake?